If Only They Would Understand
by xoSnickersxo
Summary: Spoilers for the 100th Episode. If only he understood what she was trying to say and if only she understood what he was trying to say, things would have worked out SOO much better than they did. RR please!


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. But if I did, this show would have NEVER made me cry the way it did tonight.**

"_I'm the gambler. I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I wanna give this a shot." _In Sweets's office he made it seem as if he didn't care. He made it look like Sweets was full of crap by getting up and leaving. But the truth was every word that young, but extremely correct psychologist had said was correct. He was the gambler; and damnit, if he was going to cave into anything in this world, it would be this woman. This incredibly sexy, infuriating woman who had somehow woven her way into his heart and soul ever since the moment he met her.

_"You mean… us? No, 'cause the FBI won't let us work together if we're a couple." _She was fighting it, just like he knew she would. But he couldn't, no wouldn't, let some stupid FBI technicality get in the way from being with the love of your life.

_"Don't do that, there's no reason…" _He pleaded with her, begged her to give them a chance. She couldn't be backing out on him. Not now, not this time. She was backing away, her eyes glassing over with tears. She was afraid. So he did the only thing he could think of to show her what she meant, what they meant to him and his sanity.

He crushed his lips to her and he felt resistance. Then she began to give in until he heard the wheels turning in her head. She was going to run, and she was going to run fast. She pulled back and slapped him in the face, but her next words hit him harder than any physical punishment would have.

_"No! No!" _Her eyes were wild with fear and hurt. He didn't want to hurt her, he wanted to help them. Was that so selfish?

_"Why? Why?" _He was so confused.

_"You… You thought you were protecting me, but you're the one who needs protecting." _She was teetering on the brink of insanity. He couldn't be doing this to her. Not now. From the moment they met she had felt something, and from the moment they met she had been afraid. At first it had just been about the sexual gratification, at least, that's what she had convinced herself. Then she began to get to know him. Eventually, she ended up loving him. And that was the scariest part of all. She wasn't capable of loving someone the way he was capable of loving her. He deserved better, and for that reason, she had to let him go.

_"Protecting from what?" _She knew he would be upset that she was rejecting him. He had all the right in the world to be. But if he could only know what she was thinking, he possibly could understand. He always understood her, which was also scary. She wasn't capable of being without him, and to protect him and her from the inevitable pain they were going to find themselves facing, she thought it'd be best to end it before it began. If only he knew how she really felt…

_"From me! I… I don't have your kind of open heart." _She desperately tried to explain this to him. It wasn't him, god no, it wasn't him. It was her. He deserved so much more that what he could offer. She wished she wasn't so insecure about her relationships because then they may be able to work out. But she wasn't and that was a fact of life. Something she'd have to get over, just like she had everything else.

_"Let's just give it a chance, that's all I'm asking." _Though his heart was breaking inside at each push away, he kept trying. This was insane. He needed her to understand what they could be. He needed her to push past her comfort zone and give them a chance. If only she knew how much he loved her. How much he needed her in his each breath. Maybe then she'd give them a chance.

_"No, 'cause you said it yourself. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome." _Did she have to listen to everything he said? She was so damn brilliant and so damn irritating at the same time. He wanted so badly to kiss her again, but instead he decided to use his words, because he wasn't insane. He wasn't going to try and kiss her again and hope for the same outcome. Maybe then she'd see that he wasn't out of his mind if he continued talking to her. Or maybe, she'd see his words as a lost cause and walk away. He would die before she ever walked away from him.

_"Well, then let's go for a different outcome here! Alright, let's just… Hear me out, alright? You know when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for thirty or forty or fifty years, it's always the guy who says 'I knew'. I knew, right from the beginning."_ And he did, that was the truth. She believed every word of it. But it was the woman who knew it even before the man did, but she let the man take all the credit. That was the same way she felt when she met him. She knew he was the one and she knew that they had their moment to make something beautiful out of the relationship when they had kissed. But she also remembered the feeling of waking up hung-over the morning after, alone in her bed and hurt at the way he had just disposed of her and fired her. She was angry, but most of all hurt. She had never hurt that way before and she'd be damned if she ever felt that way again. So she put up her walls and tried so hard to be professional with him. She put up her walls again to keep herself from getting hurt, but somehow he had managed to knock them down again and now she was feeling ten times worse than she had felt that morning almost seven years ago.

_"Your evidence is anecdotal." _She had cut him off again. She was reverted back to her roots of science. Something she could control in a situation that she felt she had no power over. But he just needed her to know that she had all the power in the situation. It was under her control and so was he. He was tearing up and getting torn up inside. He had never felt this hurt before in his life. It was all because of her. He needed her to understand.

_"I'm that guy. Bones, I'm that guy. I know." _One more chance is all he took. He couldn't take the ache in his chest much longer. If she wasn't going to budge, he wasn't going to fight her. Not now. Not anymore. He had spent years going toe to toe with her and he was exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted and he just couldn't take it anymore. She was crying and he couldn't take it anymore.

_"I… I'm not a gambler. I'm a scientist. I can't change. I don't know how. I don't know how… Please don't look so sad." _She looked at his sadden face, and she immediately began to regret everything she had said. She had started to think about taking it all back, throwing logic out the window, and saying screw it, because for once in my life she wanted to be happy. Just one look in his eyes could crumble her logic to ash, if only he understood that. Because if he understood that, he'd understand why she had to let him go.

_He sighed. "You're right. You're right." _He was giving up? Just like that? She felt a pang of disappointment and was befuddled. Wasn't that what she wanted? Didn't she want him to give up? She knew in her heart she didn't, but her head had controlled her for most of her life, and unfortunately, this time was no exception.

_"Can we still work together?"_ One attempt at not losing him forever. She knew this day would come, and she thought she had prepared for it. She had wanted to cut off all ties from him so she could forget him. Live blissfully naïve about what she could have had, should have had, and walked away from. But looking at him again she knew this could never work. She needed him in her life and she wanted him so badly it hurt. This was the hand, the glimmer of hope she tried to give him. To make him understand how badly she wanted him, but how badly she never wanted to hurt him.

_He nodded. "Yeah." _

_"Thank you."_ For more than she could ever express. She wanted him to understand that, but he was so absorbed in his own misery and thoughts, she knew he wouldn't. Not yet anyway.

_"But I gotta move on. You know, I gotta find someone who's- who's gonna love me thirty years or forty or fifty." _It was a bluff. He tried to make it seem real but his words sounded empty, lacking conviction, even to his own ears. But she was so concerned about him and her own pain that he knew she wouldn't understand. He wanted so badly to find his thirty-forty-fifty his whole life and now that he found her, he knew no one would ever be able to take her place in his heart. But this was life and he had to move on. This was something he had to do. This was something he understood.

_"I know." _What she knew, she wasn't quite sure and neither was he. Was he calling him on his bluff, saying 'I know you don't mean that?' Or was she agreeing in his statement that he had to move on, and sadly letting go of him forever? _I know _For the first in her life, she had said those words without conviction. What was she becoming? What had he turned her into? She was afraid of her new self. This new person he had brought out of her. For this reason she had to go back behind her walls. For this reason she would have to move on. This, she understood.

**A/N: Uhmmmmmm Mkayyyy where to start with this. First of all, I CRIED AND SCREAMED FOR TEN MINUTES AFTER THE SHOW WAS OVER!!!! I then called my friend, we had a discussion in which she tried to make me feel better, it didn't work and I couldn't sleep so this just kind of popped out. Second, I stayed up late writing this and have a softball game and a test tomorrow that I couldn't study for because I was too upset soo I hope you like this. And finally, please please drop a review because I'm thinking of making a second part to this where it becomes a happy ending, but since I realllyyy need to get some sleep I'm gonna maybe come back to this story later. PLEASE REVIEW BECAUSE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT TONGIHTS EPISODE. **


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